Certain moments

In parenting, I have found that there are certain moments that remind us how precious our children are and how quickly time is racing past us. And its not in the moments that are obvious or planned, but more the quiet and unpretentious times. For example, there is a certain moment where you KNOW, just KNOW, your little one is sick, or about to be. As a mom, you can see it in their eyes the moment it appears, yet you can not explain to someone who does not have children what "it" looks like. You just know. For me, I saw it in Katie's eyes yesterday. Now Katie has always been an easy child, very easy. She is actually a really "good" sick kid, because she basically wants to just be left alone, sleeps, drinks, that's about it. No whining, no freaking out. That's Ethan's job, by the way. Mr. Freakazoid when it comes to anything being off kilter with his body, or when two foods on his plate are touching each other (seriously!). But that's another story.
Instead, Katie is more the type to become frustrated at why she got sick in the first place, I mean, her mom DID raise her to be a germaphobe after all...so how on God's green earth did this happen?!

Katie is also a very dedicated and good student at school, and delights in her perfect attendance record. She actually requested we cut our vacation in Los Angeles a day short so she wouldn't mess such a record up.
However, Katie realized today that some things are just not in her (or, heaven forbid, our) control.

I noticed it in her eyes yesterday...as she was working on her state project. She wasn't complaining but there was a quietness about her (another indicator that somethings cookin') and when I asked she denied feeling ickky. Unfortunately, the thermometer doesn't lie, and with a reading of 102 she was informed that Miss Perfect Attendance would now have to seek another title at school, because she was home-bound for the next day. I snapped this of my worker bee as she was getting her project on Oklahoma done....

Fast forward to this morning, where she was rosy cheeked and still keeping it real with a 102 fever...

But in these moments I find it hard sometimes to fight back my own sadness, not at her temporary fever or bug, but because it becomes all too evident at how quickly she is growing up. I wonder how much longer she will need ME like this, how much longer will I be able to make her feel all better? I admit, sometimes it puts a lump in my throat, and tugs on my heart, these moments.

I think back to the little girl catching lizards on the ranch, and those chubby cheeks. I wonder where those cheeks went.  I wonder if other moms out there fight back the urge (and sometimes don't even try) to crawl in bed with their little ones, just to be close to them, because we all know those beds will someday be empty.

Tug.

I think about the times we have "special time" together, just as mommy and daughter, and we belt out our favorite girl songs in the car together and she still holds my hand because I am still not too "un-cool". I look down at our hands, clasped together, and

Tug.

I wonder if I am doing the "right" things, being a good parent, balancing everything. EVERYTHING. And still keeping enough left over to be a good wife. I guess in the end that is what we all hope to do, but sometimes, in these certain moments, it all stands so firmly in front of us it's hard to put aside.

So as I write this, I realize I must have gotten something in my eyes, because they are watering. But then again, this is why I started the blog. I want to be able to have something for my children to read when they get older...something filled with the small moments and the big love I have for each of them. Granted, the boys may not be too keen on reading what mom had to say about them not eating their veggies or other seemingly incidental moments, but I think one day they will want to take a peek inside their days filled with love, laughter, family...and yes, fevers.

And by the way....someone else woke up with the "look" today...yikes...this one, I must say, is a whole different story...to be continued....