20 years and its still not fair...

Twenty years ago today I woke up and began my day as usual. I was nineteen and going to school and working. I had plans. I was doing things the "right" way, and surely they would turn out as I had intended.
I headed to the dental office where I would work until the evening, then I would go to school at night and take courses to get me to where I needed to be so I could apply to the dental program.

Plans were working.

Until I got a phone call that day at work, saying my mom had been taken to the local hospital.

She had a heart attack. She was 42 years old. Within two days mom was gone.

Don't heart attacks only affect overweight, old people who don't eat right and smoke cigarettes? That wasn't mom.

That nineteen year old saw all too quickly how the best laid plans could be blown to pieces in the blink of an eye. Or a phone call at work.

Fast forward twenty years later and as I try to keep this a short blog I think of all the things I would have loved to ask my mom, about her life, about her past. Much before nineteen, you don't really realize your mom had a past beyond being...well, your mom. There are no catchy or eloquent phrases I can put here....but one thing just keeps coming to my mind, after 20 years as a motherless daughter.

It's just not fair.

A daughter deserves to have her mom meet her husband to be, and to hear about how giddy her daughter is whenever she is around him.

A mom deserves to sit in the front pew at church sobbing as her daughter takes his hand in marriage.

A baby deserves to be held by his or her grandmother, and spoiled, and fussed over.

A grandmother deserves to be invited to tea parties, school plays, and 499 puppet shows put on by those grandchildren.

My mom would have shown up for all of them.

Not fair.

So now that I am a mother I realize much of what I do, including writing this blog, is to preserve memories for my own children. Because I have been taught, through a hard and painful lesson, that moms should not be taken for granted, they are not guaranteed to be there forever. My own mom never wanted to be in pictures with her children, she always felt her hair wasn't done right or she had a blemish. I have very few faded pictures of her, even fewer of us together. This is a lesson for me as well, because I know my kids wont care what I looked like, the value of that photo and memory is priceless.

Mommy and me. 1974    

Fevers, pink eye, and syrup, oh my!

So a little catching up from where the blog left off...with a sick Katie and a declining Ethan. Sure enough, Ethan got the funk too....in the form of NASTY, ICKKY, UBER contagious pink eye. Of all things to give a mom with SIX hands to be obsessive about washing and contaminating...PINK EYE?  Oh, to the moms out there who don't know what pink eye looks like ... here ya go---and don't stare at it too long, I am pretty sure you can catch this crud just by looking at it.

 So being the ever-so-clever boy, Ethan figured out a fine remedy for his disgusting pink eye. He emerged from the playroom wearing these, saying, "mom, I know, I will keep these on until my eye gets fixed!". What a smart kid...and in the meantime he can double as a spy with the night-vision glasses-bonus!

Hurtado scoreboard reads: Fevers-1, Pink eye-1... wonder whats on the horizon...

Staying on top of my toes is critical these days...I am thinking we will have certain mutiny if I am not always on top of things (and kids). But no matter how hard I try to be everywhere...they still win sometimes....

...."mommy, Owen really likes his juice today!"....I heard as I was changing the laundry from the washer to the dryer a few months ago. As I entered the living room, here is what I saw....

So, folks, that is not juice in his beloved hands...its syrup. A nice big -mostly full at one point- jug of the sweet sticky stuff. And what a grin! Chugging away on syrup. Call the mommy police.....this kid is going to be wired for days.


But I found that Owen doesn't run on just syrup. He has the energy of....well, an 18 month old. Even after having four of these creatures, I quickly forget how MUCH energy they have. Owen has now graduated from the "boring" milestones such as walking and moved into more "extreme" stunts such as balancing on the arm of a couch...which is super fun. For him.  Not so much for me, who's heart skips a beat every time I see this-

See, that's a tile floor on the other side of that couch arm....and for whatever reason this is THE spot to be for him these days. Time after time after time..."no-no" after "down, Owen", after "mommy said no", there he stands, perched and with a smug grin. (see it?)...another typical trait of an 18 month old is the sense of Independence they are feeling. So...you can imagine his response when I remove him from this spot and have to use my "angry mom" voice. (scary!)

...if I was really spiffy with my blogging abilities I would include an audio clip here. Be grateful I don't know how to do that...yet.

As for Katie, she is finally on the mend. Looks like she will be all ready for 5th grade Science Camp next week, along with daddy as a counselor for a group of the boys from her school. But that's another blog another time. Point is, she is feeling better, amen. So as I walk out of her room from checking in on her and head down the hallway I find Owen....who is...well, doing this. On the dining room table.

So first let me speak in my own defense and say that I SWEAR I had only left the room long enough to check on Katie...maybe five to ten minutes max. This kid is lightning quick...the drink is one left by his big sister, who let me remind you is sick...so I am sure there were juicy germs shared as he daintily sipped "his" prize. Looks like he has a giant hole in his lip because most of that ended up on the table, not in his tummy.

I need to point out something funny here...because yes, I can see humor in just about anything.  This is such a sign of how one's parenting style evolves over the years. I mean...upon seeing my firstborn sitting on top of the dining room table like this, teetering to certain injury, there is NO WAY I would have thought to get my camera. I would have thrown on my Supermom cape and whisked her off to her safety, probably spending a good ten minutes explaining to her in baby terms what kind of danger she was putting herself into.  But...fast forward to numero cuatro and we realize that:

1. if we don't take time to laugh at these moments we will surely go nuts
2. babies have really good balance, even on the arms of couches and dining room tables.
3. pink is an ugly color, especially in the eyes.

Certain moments

In parenting, I have found that there are certain moments that remind us how precious our children are and how quickly time is racing past us. And its not in the moments that are obvious or planned, but more the quiet and unpretentious times. For example, there is a certain moment where you KNOW, just KNOW, your little one is sick, or about to be. As a mom, you can see it in their eyes the moment it appears, yet you can not explain to someone who does not have children what "it" looks like. You just know. For me, I saw it in Katie's eyes yesterday. Now Katie has always been an easy child, very easy. She is actually a really "good" sick kid, because she basically wants to just be left alone, sleeps, drinks, that's about it. No whining, no freaking out. That's Ethan's job, by the way. Mr. Freakazoid when it comes to anything being off kilter with his body, or when two foods on his plate are touching each other (seriously!). But that's another story.
Instead, Katie is more the type to become frustrated at why she got sick in the first place, I mean, her mom DID raise her to be a germaphobe after all...so how on God's green earth did this happen?!

Katie is also a very dedicated and good student at school, and delights in her perfect attendance record. She actually requested we cut our vacation in Los Angeles a day short so she wouldn't mess such a record up.
However, Katie realized today that some things are just not in her (or, heaven forbid, our) control.

I noticed it in her eyes yesterday...as she was working on her state project. She wasn't complaining but there was a quietness about her (another indicator that somethings cookin') and when I asked she denied feeling ickky. Unfortunately, the thermometer doesn't lie, and with a reading of 102 she was informed that Miss Perfect Attendance would now have to seek another title at school, because she was home-bound for the next day. I snapped this of my worker bee as she was getting her project on Oklahoma done....

Fast forward to this morning, where she was rosy cheeked and still keeping it real with a 102 fever...

But in these moments I find it hard sometimes to fight back my own sadness, not at her temporary fever or bug, but because it becomes all too evident at how quickly she is growing up. I wonder how much longer she will need ME like this, how much longer will I be able to make her feel all better? I admit, sometimes it puts a lump in my throat, and tugs on my heart, these moments.

I think back to the little girl catching lizards on the ranch, and those chubby cheeks. I wonder where those cheeks went.  I wonder if other moms out there fight back the urge (and sometimes don't even try) to crawl in bed with their little ones, just to be close to them, because we all know those beds will someday be empty.

Tug.

I think about the times we have "special time" together, just as mommy and daughter, and we belt out our favorite girl songs in the car together and she still holds my hand because I am still not too "un-cool". I look down at our hands, clasped together, and

Tug.

I wonder if I am doing the "right" things, being a good parent, balancing everything. EVERYTHING. And still keeping enough left over to be a good wife. I guess in the end that is what we all hope to do, but sometimes, in these certain moments, it all stands so firmly in front of us it's hard to put aside.

So as I write this, I realize I must have gotten something in my eyes, because they are watering. But then again, this is why I started the blog. I want to be able to have something for my children to read when they get older...something filled with the small moments and the big love I have for each of them. Granted, the boys may not be too keen on reading what mom had to say about them not eating their veggies or other seemingly incidental moments, but I think one day they will want to take a peek inside their days filled with love, laughter, family...and yes, fevers.

And by the way....someone else woke up with the "look" today...yikes...this one, I must say, is a whole different story...to be continued....

We are family!

If you look closely...we are actually ALL in this photo! Doesnt happen too often, so I had to include it here. Thank goodness for the annual "photo in front of Nana and Papas Christmas tree".

It has been raining here for a few days and the kids are getting creative being stuck indoors. When its time to take a break from screens, I suffer the first few moans and groans, and they quickly scatter into some other activity. I am usually pretty impressed by what they can come up with, and it usually works out to be fun for all. Usually. Dress up, playing restaurant, playing school, etc. But Katie, being the big sister, sometimes gets a tad carried away with her position and loves to relish in the authority. For Ryan, this doesnt bug him too much because he marches to his own beat most of the time and when things get too complicated he just goes away and does something else. But...not the story for Ethan. So, Katie devised this contract that Ethan has to sign in order to play in her room. Its complete with consequences, such as "if you do not ask me before coming into my room you will give me  your Nintendo DS for a week". I want to tell the poor boy "DONT DO IT", but these are the passages a little brother must forge on their own. Sometimes, to make matters even worse, she inflicts a home made dance routine on him and he must perform it prior to entering her room. AND HE DOES IT....every time. I guess whatever they play in there is just that cool. 

Here he is...signing his life away.

You've been warned.

Ryan always impresses me with how easy he is to please. For Christmas, we got him a headlamp, and the kid just loves it. He is a big fan of dressing up in costumes, so this fit into his "Dino Dan" get-up quite well. (Dino Dan is a TV character who "sees" and studies all kinds of dinosaurs. And, he has a headlamp)

And meanwhile, on these rainy indoor days, Owen is busy too. Busy doing lots of 18 month old activities like climbing on the couch (even after repeated "no-no's" from mommy) and re-assembling the plastic container cabinet....for the gazillionth time. This photo, taken when he was 10 mos old, shows that plastic container fun is something that spans quite a few months for little toddlers...

So as the kids find creative ways to keep busy...I attempt to make the house resemble something that would be decent enough for company to step into. However, with fun activities like the ones Owen chooses to do above, sometimes its two steps forward and one step back.

And as I shuffle toys into baskets, wash sippy cups and dig the plastic spouts out of the garbage disposal for the 50th time, I glance over at our poor couch and realize what a tragedy it is. See, we actually have two nice couches in our living room. Couches are for sitting, right? Well, they are also for dumping clean laundry on and folding. Problem is, around here the folding part takes FOREVER to accomplish, so our poor couch is never free from the heaps. Here is what one of our couches looks like a good 98% of the time.

But just as I finish up the dishes,  head over to tackle the mountain of laundry, the doorbell rings and I am instantly reminded why its so awesome to have my BFF living right across the street....homemade treats! Brought to my door on a ickky rainy day! Today Cristine brought over a Norwegian potato dish her family makes called "crub"...but I am sure its spelled otherwise.

So for now, I am off to dive into this bowl of yummy-ness before my kids ask me to share. As for the laundry, it will have to sit a bit longer.

Some catching up to do...

So as I mentioned earlier, I have WAAAY too many photos and I am not afraid to use 'em.

So here is a visual "walk" through some of the moments in the Hurtado casa this past year....and oh, I am still working on resizing these HUGE pictures. I will get there soon...but for now, bear with the assorted photo sizes.

I thought it would be good to start with something that consumed pretty much ALL of the latter part of summer and early fall:  soccer. Katie, Ryan, and Ethan all played this year, and we had so much fun watching them and rooting each of them on. When our entire family was able to be there, they had quite a cheering squad. Granted, there was a point where we were doing something soccer related SIX days of the week- be it a game or practice- and it did get hectic at times I wouldn't have traded these times for anything.

On this particular day Ethan had an awesome support group including Cristine and her clan, as well as Cory, who we absolutely adore and have adopted into our family. Anyone who will bear the Dixon heat in the summertime to watch a 5 year old "play" soccer is a keeper. Speaking of Ethans soccer playing skills, it was his first year playing (disclaimer), and it appears he was more smitten by a certain female teammate, who would rub her fingers through his hair during the times they sat out. Oh dear.....



and finally, before we wrap up the soccer season photos, I have to give a GIANT shout-out and thanks to my sweet sweet Owen, who racked up a gazillion hours sitting in his stroller on the sidelines, learning to clap and keeping a grin on his precious face the entire time. I owe you big time buddy...or at least your siblings do.

Ryan demonstrates his super soccer kick. Thanks to the wonderful people in the Davis VIP soccer league, Ryan had the same opportunity to play soccer as his siblings, he just got to have a buddy with him.

And even Ampy was able to take in a soccer game while he was visiting us from Washington.
Ok, so I guess that is enough soccer stuff. Before we know it, the next season will be knocking...

When you have four cute children, you take alot of photos. But when you are a photographer and have four children..yikes.
We took the kids to the Davis Arboretum when Summer had just about ended to snap a few photos. We realized we didnt have any decent shots that included Owen. Oops...poor number four!
Here are a couple from that day....not too shabby!

...and without even asking permission, Katie turned 11 on us. I can not believe my little girl is a pre-teen. I am relishing in EVERY moment with her, and am still looking for the "pause" button. She celebrated her birthday with girlfriends, dancing in the living room to "Just Dance" on the Wii. I realized that as they get older, kids birthday parties become much simpler. Amen! Because I do have FOUR of these little ones...

Katie came home from school one day and mentioned that she felt "dorky" because she is small and wears glasses. Thankfully, Dave was home from work and I was able to sweep her into the car with me and take her off....we went to the salon and she got a new haircut, then I took her out to take pictures of her...and we ended it all with an early dinner...just the two of us. Dorky? I think not! This girl is beautiful!!

Ooops, I went a bit off track here...let me go back to summer just a bit. See, new blogger.

The expression on his face in the photo below shows that Owen could not believe he turned ONE in September. Here are a couple from his 1 yr photo shoot...

he was a tad TOO happy for the first few photos...

but we finally got him with his eyes open..

look at that! He must have just wanted that birthday shirt before giving us the shot we wanted :-)

If I said that Owen is our happy baby, that would be an understatement. Not that the others are not and have not always been happy children, but Owen is REALLY happy....alot. So many people remark on how joyful he is, and we are so grateful.

So if Owen is the happy one...Ethan is our comedian. He is a complete crack up, always coming up with the funniest things, and so sweet...most of the time. Today he told me he loves me from one to "600 infinity". Do you realize how much that is? Whoa! Here are a couple from a typical photo session with that dude...

And yes, we did have every intention of putting a shirt OVER that white tank undershirt. Yes, it was cute, and sitting right there, NEXT to him. Why? Because mom has four kids, and sometimes...every once in awhile, things get forgotten. Like shirts. But...he just looked so cute I kept these anyways. We put the shirt on eventually.

In the blink of an eye, Ethan turned five in October and celebrated with a bowling party with friends, family, and a Darth Vader cake.

Thank goodness for Tita, who is always there to help with the little ones who are all over the place!
More catching up to do for sure, but for now...its the end of Owens nap and off the computer for mom.

So I am really on a roll here, today being day 2 as an official blogger. I am getting my blogging done as Owen takes his NICE LONG nap (bless him!) and the other three are at school. I realized something as I sat down to write. I dont know anything about blog ettiquette. I mean, how far back can you go with a blog, so as to provide a bit of "catch up" for the readers? Is it tacky to put too many pictures of your cute kids on? Actually, I wont pay  much mind to that second one, as I have always been shameless when it comes to sharing my children. I mean, who doesnt want to see Owen with his face covered in yogurt? And Ryan working so hard at school and Katie when she first gets her glasses and Ethan....and....and.....

So, without any formality or further ado, I will just jump right in.

Today is St. Patricks Day. I will admit, I am not a fan. I mean, really...you wear green or you get pinched? So that should be fun? Lets call a duck a duck here, its a drinking and partying holiday, and since any traces of those days are long and well behind me, my St. Patricks celebration consists of allowing the unthinkable in my house: Lucky Charms cereal. YUK! The sugar content alone is enough to gag me but then there are those mystery marshmallows, CRUNCHY marshmallows, with all sorts of food dye. But, when in Rome, so the kids awoke to the news that they have a pass to eat Lucky Charms for breakfast. All was good in this hood for the morning...and I am sure that sugar kick got them through at least half the day at school....

A typical day, however, when we are not Lucky Charming, consists of the moments I have become most fond of. Nothing "special" going on, just life and all of its mini-adventures on a daily basis over here. For instance, do you know what is better than any store bought toy out there? The BIG box from daddys new lawn mower, magically transformed by four wild minds into a drive thru restaurant. Katie and Ryan were already off to school for this photo, but Ethan and Owen were testing out the new eatery.

Welcome to OUR Holland....

One of my favorite poems, inspired by the birth of my sweet son Ryan in 2002~

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......
When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."
"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."
But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.
But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

~
c1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reserved